“We need to work for Christ with a humble heart, with the humility of christ. He comes and uses us to be His love and compassion in the world in spite of our weakness and frailties.”
-Mother Teresa
My my life’s calling reflect this statement.
“The best measure of change in self is the long-term effect it has on others that are important to you. If you ‘change’ and your family does not, then either you have not changed as much as you think you have or you are using a lot of distance to deal with others” Michael Kerr (1981).
I thought maybe if I wrote a little I would feel a bit better. I am feeling drained, overwhelmed, and maybe a bit heavy today. Since Thomas left I haven’t been sleeping well and my whole rhythm of life for the past 7.5 years has had a drastic change. I am not quite sure what to do with myself other than schoolwork and friends.
I’ve never knew that touch meant so much to me until now. It’s weird, but I was getting my hair done today and when she was washing my hair I felt a sense of relief. I wondered where it came from and then I realized I haven’t been touched in a week. I go through classes learning about the sense of touch and the importance of human touch for our well being, but never have I experienced the loss of touch. Before Thomas there were the tender times of being a child in a parents arms. I’ve never lived alone…but I am learning quite quickly what it means to be alone–literally and without touch.
When Thomas left, we talked about how this experience of being away from each other will help me sympathize with those couples that I counsel that are dealing with long term distance. I always look for those experiences in life that may not be all that pleasant but that may be able to help me join with clients as we all struggle through life’s ups and downs. I did not realize that after the first week I would be longing for touch. A hug, a shoulder to rest my head on, a hand to hold.
Just as a baby cannot survive without the touch of a parent and healing comes faster for those who experience touch, we too, in our very individualistic world forget that even though we are grown and living our own lives, God created us to be social beings. Many of the amazing stories of Jesus and his love for others revolves around His touch.
As I sit here and think about my spirituality and belief in God, I wonder if we can truly feel God’s touch? When we take time to sit with God, does His touch wash over us? Is that what meditation is? As I think about this, I am beginning to feel the importance of community. I’ve always ˆknownˆ the importance of community, but part of being in a community is about touch.
It’s evident to me that comforting touch, the touch of a hand, or a hug, can become extremely therapeutic in and of itself. Sometimes all a person needs is touch to know how loved they are. We take forgranted that there are many people near us everyday that are longing for human touch and if we don’t have people around us who need to be loved and cared for, then it’s time to get out there and start loving on someone.
Ya wanna know how cool my husband is???
Click on video 160: Q&A guy!!!
I’ve been sick for the past 24 hours with many aches and pains and a fever. It is slowly going away, but now I am at that part where I am sick of laying on the couch, but also not quite well enough to get moving. And, not to mention, my window is open I am having the pleasure of smelling a grill cooking up something really good.
I leave for the cabin tomorrow for 5 days which I am so happy about. Thomas will be joining us Saturday morning…thank God. It’s been a long two weeks without him.
Oh, yeah, so in the midst of beginning school and being crazy busy, Thomas and I have had quite the past couple weeks. As of early last week Thomas was in San Francisco contracting work with a start up company called Seesmic for two months. A few days after arriving he was ask to join the team full-time. So, as it be, it is an awesome opportunity and he will be moving the San Francisco in 2 weeks.
We are super excited!!! I will be staying here until the end of December finishing up my two master’s degrees. I’ve spoke with St. Mary’s and they are willing to work out a practicum in California. I am sure the time will go by super fast as I take on a full load at both St Mary’s and Luther Seminary.
I think that’s about it for now. It’s been a crazy past few weeks, but I love the ride.
I picked up a book yesterday at the seminary bookstore called, “Psychological Insight into the Bible” edited by Wayne G. Rollins and D. Andrew Kille. When I read the title I thought it was something very different from what I have been reading. There is so much more to this book than I realized and I am learning so much. I plan on having some reflections on what I read, but to begin, I would like to share this quotation by Franz Delitzsch:
“But the book of nature and the book of Scripture are precisely two books which from the beginning were intended to be compared with one another. And if the student of nature asks the theologian or himself as a Christian, How readest thou? the theologian must also in return as the student of nature, How readest thou?”
There’s an amazing little discussion going on here. It’s been something I’ve been thinking about since I began seminary. First of all, my heart has been constantly questioning why seminary is so irrelevant to me and the world outside the doors? I think this is coming into light as we see a recession. I’ve also feared trying to get a job with only theological training–thus–one of the many amazing reasons I am becoming a marriage and family therapist alongside my theological studies.
What is going on in our world today is quite frankly, I believe, a gift from God. The comfort of being a paid/ordained leader in the church has lost what it meant to be in the world. I remember doing an internship at a church as the Director of Christian Outreach. I wanted to go out into the world….I mean isn’t that what I went to undergrad for? I only found that my ministry took me away from the pains and the trials of the world, so much so that I quit my internship and got my degree without the “call” stamp and became a waitress again where ministry with the people could happen.
I remember vividly what it was like to go back into the “real” world where the people actually are. Anyway, what I am trying to say is although this may be harder for those of us who have been in a paid ministry position, I think it is time for us to get out into the world and be deeply woven into the fabrics of people’s lives.
Although many leaders in the church do a great job at getting out into the world, there is no impact greater than working 40 hours a week alongside people who don’t want to be in church. This is where we build relationships and allow God’s grace to work through us. And, really, if you think about it, how much easier is it to connect with people when you are going through the same pains of unsteady, uncomfortable jobs?
It’s time for the church to have some drastic changes. Even though it may be hard I am willing to “sacrifice” working for a church and give my life to being the church. I think it’s a blessing and a gift to be a part of the kingdom in the world.
oh, and seminary? Yeah, I still feel like it is irrelevant, but I love learning. I wish seminary would become a place where people learned skills of all sorts…anything….for that matter, but that it was a place where people could come together to learn to be kingdom community and then be sent out in the the world. Community is not something I get at seminary. Community is something we all need and it takes work and perseverance.
